RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Re:

I am jealous
Of the atmosphere that surrounds you
Because it's constantly touching you
Everywhere
At all times
It feels your breath
It embraces your whole body
It watches you every single god damned second
It's been with you for as long as you've been alive
It sleeps with you
It wakes up with you
It watches you eat
It goes everywhere with you
I want to be your atmosphere
Because I fucking hate that guy
I want to stick things in his face
I want to beat your atmosphere
And replace it
I wish God existed
So I could punch him in the face
For keeping us apart
He is a douche
Or would be
But that atmosphere guy
Yeah
He's a douche
I'm going to go masturbate
It's my birthday

I Am Going To Fist Your Face

I was thinking about
Trust
And how much I
Trust you
And wondered how much you
Trust me
I don't know what to think
I want you to
Trust me
But I'm not going to force you
Because forcing things
On others is
Fucked up
Usually
But I
Trust you
I
Just
Want
You
To
K
n
o
w
T
h
a
t
I
L
o
v
e
Y
o
u
And I want to hold you
Before I die
In the
Apocalypse
Which I don't think will come in
2010
But
Rather
In 1020
When time starts getting fucked up
And it turns 1020
Right after 2013
And shit will melt
I want to be holding you
When we melt
In 1020
March 3rd
3:47am
I will be holding you
And telling you how much I've loved being with you
And we can be drinking energy drinks
Which is really
Anti-productive

Better Dane

My mind is inestimable
I am ensnared in a catatonic state
I wish I could be inebriated on
Optimism

DEAR ABBY YOU ARE A CUNT

Forget me
I'm not going to change your life
I can eat lunch with you for only so many more days out of the next year or so
Getting mad at me can easily be turned around
So just get yourself an iced coffee in the morning
Or a flatbread after school
To the questionable dismay
Of the different social groups that we try to dismiss ourselves from
Because that flatbread tastes amazing
But smells like shit
And that can be some sort of poetic metaphor or proverb
But it isn't yet
And I don't want the world to leave it to me
So I'm not going to get any further into this
Goodnight

IANGTRWTSF

We can fly
If we think we can fly
Only
We'll be rubbing up against the ground
And we can only move as if we were moving on the ground
And our altitude and distance coverage are the same as if we were moving on the ground
But
If we say we are flying
We can fly

"Goodnight, I love you, I need you" Is a title that could be used for this

It's moments like these
When I jump to conclusions
And fear for the worst
I am convinced that you are hurt
I am convinced that you are crying
Although you're probably just asleep
Now I feel like an asshole
When I fall asleep
And make you feel alone
Like it makes me feel
We aren't different
We aren't human
We are a still-nameless species
What are we?
I hope we still breathe oxygen
Because we are stuck on Earth
Unable to return from wherever we spawned

Stupid Thing Written In The Book Given To Me By A Great Man I Once Knew Who Killed Himself And Made Me Sad

I am afraid
I am afraid of you dying
I am afraid of you forgetting me
I am afraid of you getting hurt
I am afraid of you getting raped
I am afraid of you joining a cult where you think that you are enlightening yourself but you will only be having a 2-day orgy and killing yourself at the end of the month
I am afraid of myself
I am afraid of my thoughts
I am afraid of hurting myself
I am afraid of dying
I am afraid of losing you
I am afraid of hurting you
I am afraid of being traumatized and losing emotion and not caring about you
I am afraid of never doing something like living in a car for 3 weeks off of McDonalds and iced coffee
I am afraid of people
I am afraid of what they think
I am afraid of how they look
I am afraid of what they say
I am afraid of the world
I am afraid

Sometimes I Don't Give Titles Because I'm Just Fucking Lazy So I Write Something Like This To Sound 'Hilarious'

Educational programming is terrible
It’s more boring than actual education
And that’s just sad
I don’t enjoy watching surgeries
Or meerkats(?) eating bugs
Or the Hadron collider
Or space
Space is vast
But cold and boring
Nobody hangs out in space
Because there are no movie theaters
And without movie theaters
There’s no parking lots next to movie theaters
Therefore, nobody can hang out
Because that is the only real way I see people hanging out anymore
I hate them
I wish they were in space
So I wouldn’t have to see them anymore

Untitled 1/18/10

I’ve broken many hearts
But I’ll be delicate with yours
Though it’s deteriorating on its own
I will mend and improve every piece
Because I know how to handle the right tools
Just don’t look at the wall
I’m terrible at fixing walls
Thank god you’re not a wall

Ouch Don't Spray That In My Eyes It Isn't Supposed To Be Sprayed On Eyes Because It Is Bug Spray And It Is Winter Also

I am not alone all the time

I agree

But feeling is more than seeing

Or something smart sounding

Artistic bullshit

Like that

I don't know

I am lonely

And your texts make me feel less lonely

But you aren't here

Or I'm not there

I want to be there

So we won't be lonely

I'll be there for you

You can be there for me

That's all cool shit

And cool shit isn't cold fecal matter

It feels good

And I want to pet your head

Because you like head petting

At least, that's what they say

Okay, no, it's what you say

And I trust you

But right now

I am alone

And tomorrow

I'll be alone

And then I can come home and be alone

Then I'm going to look at laptop quotes

Then I come back home

And be alone

Then I go see the psychiatrist

And tell her about how I feel alone

And want to be with you

And have hurt myself

And think about weird shit

And write terrible stuff like this

Then I'll come back home

And be alone

And talk to you

And go to sleep

And in my sleep

I'll be alone

I'll try not to sleep

So I won't be as alone

And can talk to you

But I don't want you to be tired when you walk into hell again in the morning

In Response To Responses To Responses To Responses

Dear you know who,

I love you

That rhymed

And I hate rhyming poetry

Let me start this over

Hey!

Too casual

But I don't have to be perfect for you

You love me

But I wish I was perfect for you

Just like you always say

You wish you were perfect for me

But you know you're perfect

I tell you all the time

You're perfect

Let's try being "literary experts" and use a synonym

You are ...

...

Okay, fuck that

I can't think of any synonyms

Right now

But you are perfect

And you are everything I need

You're not ugly

You're beautiful

And cute

I consider them two different things

Not on one level of looks

But on two separate meters

Like temperature and wind speed

Or some crazy shit no one cares about like that

But these meters are pretty important to most

So you are cute and you are beautiful

I said that already

Fuck

Anyway

You don't need to change for me

If you change, I will be sad

But I will always accept you

And I'm already sad

I don't even know what that might come off to you as

But I mean that you shouldn't change for me or anyone

Because you know that nobody is worth anything

Everyone is fucked

We're fucked

But we're fucked different

And we're fucked different than the fucks that are fucked "different"

I hate them

I hate this

But I love you

I want to be in your house

All the time

Not in mine

Mine sucks

Mine's dirty

I haven't taken care of my room since I got depressed

But I don't care what your room looks like

You're in it all the time

That makes it illuminate

With something awesome

Like...

Awesome baby blood

And I want to cook you ramen

When you are sick

And feed it to you

And pet your head

And kiss you

Because I'll kiss you when you're sick

I don't care if you get me sick

I'm sharing it with you

I'd share AIDS with you

But don't get AIDS'

I hear it sucks

Like this situation sucks

The situation

And also

I want to change my pillow into you

Maybe when I go to your house

I'll bring you my pillow

And give it to you

Because it's almost you
It has dried blood stains on it

They are brown

I don't know why they are brown

But they are

And it'll be another gift to you

I don't need anything from you

Just yourself

And your love

And I want to hear you talk

All the time

I don't care about what

Hell, scold me about something

I like listening to words from people like you

Which are only you

Because you're the only you

And the only you is you

Who I love

With love,

Or sincerely,

But sincerely sounds retarded

I love you

Why You And I Are Not The Same Bear

Sometimes you tell me to go outside,
"Get some fresh air."
That's alright.
Sometimes you might tell me to go hang
Out with my friends,
"Experience life."
And that's fine, too.
But all I really want to do is bleed
Profusely from my ears and roll around,
Screaming,
On a supermarket floor.
When paramedics arrive, I'll get up,
Greet them,
And brush myself off while walking
Away and drinking something pseudo-classy
Like a "frappachino."
That's life.

The Brief History of a Boring Pessimist As Dictated By a Pessimistic Bore

Anyone who knows anything about what I write
Would think that this would start with
Some deep metaphor or a depressing
Observation.
Well, here it is, close enough to the
Beginning to only make you SOMEWHAT
Uncomfortable:
Life sucks.
I need you.
I want to know what love is.
I don't wear home-knit sweaters from
My grandma anymore because she
Doesn't knit them anymore and that
DEPRESSES me.
I found who I want to spend the rest of my life with and I'm
Only 17 so you probably think I
Am RETARDED and DON'T WANT
TO GET LAID ANYMORE.
Truth is, I've only had sex a couple
Times with one girl and three handjobs
Otherwise.
No biggie (and I'm not talking about
My dick).
But SEX ISN'T LOVE
Having a scary obsession with
A girl I've known for three years
Only over the internet is.
That sounds like a joke,
I'm sorry,
It's not.
I don't think I have friends
Anymore.
I think I have "acquaintances."
But, at least they eat lunch at
McDonald's with me
And walk with me to THEIR
Girlfriend's house,
Or something.
But, I digress,
Like a terrible song,
I want to think everyone is stupid
With that girl.
Then we can makeout
And sleep in the afternoon again.
Fuck.

I think I am

Schizophrenic.

A page of two-lined things I wrote out of random one night

When masturbation gets old
Life becomes bullshit

Still fucked
Still sad

I am negative
I don't want to be positive

I wish I was strong
Then I could punch everyone

If I was retarded
I could be happy

I'll be a mailman
I won't deliver important letters

I envy the person who
Only worries about the weather

I'm fucking pretentious
Everything needs to be art

Life is boring
Dreams are disappointing

If I had $1,000,000
I'd put it in a closet and forget about it

I just ate a pretzel
It's scratching my throat

The holidays aren't about good will
They're just days

I hate life
Ame I taking it for granted?

Sex is overrated
I need more

I pick at anything until it bleeds
Then I scold myself

All women are whores
All men want to fuck

I like writing
I don't like rules

I can't see
I'm blind

I need academics to be important
I don't want to be important

Bullets probably hurt
I want to get shot someday

Phone Calls Every Week At 12

I don't want to count any more days
Because as many as I've counted
I've built the bridge to your window
The only bridge I could never walk
For the fear of what's really at the end
I told you my dreams and that could mean losing them all
With my happiness, but all of my dreams are with you.
And all of my dreams are of you.
I stare at your picture every day
Wishing I was powerful, wishing I was creative,
Withing I was older to sound perverted but
At least I could drive to you
And leave this sunset behind
Because it sparks no emotions
And there's no one to watch it with.
It's just the sun, after all,
But I think you could manipulate that for me.
Make it something brutally honest.
In return, I can pet your head to sleep
Instead of what's in your head,
Trying to kill you. Trying to scratch your hands
Past their usefulness; to protect me like you wish
You could.

1/12/10

She's hiding herself, she's beautiful, but she's hiding herself.
She's waiting for the worse possible moment
To show herself
And she yells at me. She tells me I'm fucking
Up. She stabs at my head with an ice pick.
That's if her voice isn't shrill enough.
She's a siren of noise, existing to give me
Headaches and make me scratch my hands up
Until they get raw and numb.
And the more I hate her, the more I love her.
She puts me to sleep, petting my head,
She's beautiful. She is me, in my head, but she
Exists. It's a ploy, tomorrow she'll tell me
Everyone is against me, read between the lines,
Hate yourself, failure. I trust her because
She forces me to. I need her, I lover her,
I want to die, she can kill me.
But she's hiding. She wants to scare me.
She's hiding. I hear her. She will find me.
She's fucking coming and I don't want her to
But she's coming and I'm going to scratch
My hands up again.

Bad Anal In Poem Form: It's Bad, It Hurts, It's Messy, No Love

If I could fill my head with a
Clusterfuck of ping pong balls
Each containing a fortune
Until my head exploded
In a crowded place
I would.
Not for the thrill to myself for the
Most creative suicide in history
But the thrill to everyone in said crowd
For witnessing a suicide at all.
It must be pretty traumatic.
I think that would be hilarious.

I don't understand why
If a girl wears pants it's normal
But if a guy wears a skirt it's not.
Maybe it's not worth understanding.
I don't understand a lot.

Making mixtapes of moderately
Popular indie bands for a girl is
My kind of 90's romance.
Too bad nobody has a tape player,
Especially not any girls.

2 Other Pieces of Shit On The Next Page

I stare into a pool of flesh and blood
Of beauty. Of life.
Unnoticed. I'm invisible.
I feel perverted
But what are my intentions?
I have none
So who's wrong?




There's no feeling in admiration
There's no incentive for pursuing a pointless target
Methods are useless
Words can't sway as well as the wind
Because everything comes back at once
And crushes some sort of dream or vision
Physical touch and emotional pain are the only memories

2 Pieces of Shit on One Page Together

There's a rock. Somehow it's alive. So it's like it's not a rock but really it is. This rock has problems. It knows it has problems. The problems is that it only knows what less than half of these problems are. It has a problem with all of its problems. It's also going crazy. This rock isn't a rock. Quantum mechanics. I wish I could ripple spacetime. Shit would be fucked. Just like all of us.



I'm the moon, I'm lonely
I pulled in the tide
But it got no closer to me
And the sand looked lonely
So I let it go again
Goodnight

OLD POEM I WAS TOO FUCKING LAZY TO TITLE

I never promised I'd tell you everything
Still we write what we feel, but you keep telling me every little shadow that breaks the sunlight for you.
I don't call that a problem, call it a benefit,
It's hot out so lat there; the dark is so cold and you're already wearing a jacket.
You have nothing to do but worry and worry you do,
Feeding that blood to the animal we don't even want here as far as I know.
But some carry their breath for us and call it a home.
Without it, there's nothing.
I never promised I'd hurt you and say the words that don't exist
Just inside my head, but you keep saying "wake up, wake up"
All I've got to look forward to is dreams
I am still sleeping.
Maybe if I could leave everyone behind,
I would.
No regrets losing what we had.
I could force myself to be happy
But dealing with that numbness shouldn't exist in love.
So I'll crack open your sky and leave you alone.
You never needed me to make it clear outside.
It's always raining.

FROM THIS POINT ON

I will be posting poetry etc.