The Brief History of a Boring Pessimist As Dictated By a Pessimistic Bore

Anyone who knows anything about what I write
Would think that this would start with
Some deep metaphor or a depressing
Observation.
Well, here it is, close enough to the
Beginning to only make you SOMEWHAT
Uncomfortable:
Life sucks.
I need you.
I want to know what love is.
I don't wear home-knit sweaters from
My grandma anymore because she
Doesn't knit them anymore and that
DEPRESSES me.
I found who I want to spend the rest of my life with and I'm
Only 17 so you probably think I
Am RETARDED and DON'T WANT
TO GET LAID ANYMORE.
Truth is, I've only had sex a couple
Times with one girl and three handjobs
Otherwise.
No biggie (and I'm not talking about
My dick).
But SEX ISN'T LOVE
Having a scary obsession with
A girl I've known for three years
Only over the internet is.
That sounds like a joke,
I'm sorry,
It's not.
I don't think I have friends
Anymore.
I think I have "acquaintances."
But, at least they eat lunch at
McDonald's with me
And walk with me to THEIR
Girlfriend's house,
Or something.
But, I digress,
Like a terrible song,
I want to think everyone is stupid
With that girl.
Then we can makeout
And sleep in the afternoon again.
Fuck.